I can't believe this? Could this be a mid-life crisis? When did I start resenting ordinary life patterns for something more exciting. I thought this only happens to men in their 50s--and like most women I thought it was kinda charming--(a bit entertaining). But now I know--it's more than buying the over priced car and flirting with the younger ones. It's a total "What the hell am I doing?". I'll be 30 in a year and I feel like I have done everything there is to do (perhaps the result of living a lot at a very young age). But more importantly--why am I still messing around with stuff that has nothing to do with painting!? Before I could justify it.......like I am doing this job to bring in some extra income to buy paint and eat properly (because starving is just not as glamorous as one would think). But now....it just doesn't make sense. Yet, I have taken time off to paint in the past...but found those were some of my most un-creative times. So I have learned to function with balance and paint when it hits me like a bolt of lightning..and then cruise when not so much. Right now more than any other time--I really would like to talk to Emily Carr, Tom Thompson or Georgia O'Keefe. I understand them finally after years of visiting their work and reading all about them...I KNOW what they went through....and it seems right about this point they-like me got fed up with it all! There was something in their lives that pushed them over the edge--where they just dropped what ever pattern of life they were living and went off to do what was best 100 percent for their work. I am not there yet---but my eyes are wide open and searching.